Happy New Year!

The year 2019 means my baby blog is no longer a toddler.

She’s really coming into her own. Instead of growing teeth (or followers) she got herself an Archives and Categories widget/section.

Readers! This addition means you can enjoy all the posts without having to scroll.

Hey, I’m not lazy, I just have better ideas.

Speaking of bright ideas, our subject of the day is 2019.

Ah, New Years.

A time for reflection, replenishment and recharge.

A time for countless “New Me, Fresh Start” posts to appear on social media.

Barf.

“2019 is gonna be MY year!!!”

This barrage of alleged positivity had a friend and I in conversation on a lazy new year’s morning.

We both agreed we hate it when people say they want to “speak their truth.”

I feel like anytime someone says this statement, it’s a predecessor to them being a butthole.

Their “truth” typically involves being rude, mean or justifying poor behaviour.

This phrase is the kissing cousin to saying something passive aggressive via text then toning it down with “Lol.”

“Lol” means you don’t really mean to be a jerk.

Lol.

To those reading for inspirational purposes, please stop.

“In 2019, I’m gonna speak my truth!”

Did you know it’s completely ok to pursue positive change and not have to document it on social media?

A random flashback to high school exams just crept through my mind.

Remember those classmates who would hover outside the class afterwards and ask everyone “What did you write for answers 5, 8 and 10?”

Annoyed about them blocking my escape; I’d say something like: “Doesn’t matter. You probably got it wrong!”

Maybe I’m pragmatic that way.

This flashback makes me realize as a Jr. Lidz, I spoke my truth frequently.

I mull this over.

Maybe, instead of setting an impossible standard with the stigma of New Year’s resolutions, I can break the internet and provide the blogosphere with some New Year’s continuity.

Here, in no particular order are my New Year’s Truths for 2019.

Lidz Can Do This! In 2K19…

1. I will continue to cook vegetables in such a way they they are devoid of any nutritional value….like this Bok Choy with bacon fat.

Maybe I will batter them first next time.

I digress.

2. I will continue to enjoy the before versions of homes renovations more so than the after. After all, if you’re gonna slap a coat of bougie paint on a barn, it’s still quite literally a barn. You just made it look hipster.

3. I will continue to scream out the wrong answers to the TV during Jeopardy, or obscenities during The Bachelor and Survivor and assume I’m being heard.

4. I will continue to talk about food while eating food. Food is kinda a stupid word when you really look at it. Hmm.

5. I will continue to look the other way when my father creates his version of a baker’s dozen and proceeds to shove 19 dinner rolls into a bag at the local bakery.

6. I will continue to sing my version to any song with my improved lyrics. Should someone correct me, I will blog about them.

7. I will continue to laugh at my own jokes. Hey, we all know I think I’m hilarious. True story.

8. I will continue to drink straight from the bottle. Doesn’t matter. My bottle, your bottle, your baby’s bubba or sippie cup. I don’t care. I talk a lot more than I write and need to stay hydrated. This witty tongue needs fuel!

9. I will continue to wish people a “Happy New Year” deep into the Spring. This is in part because I don’t want to exclude anyone, but mostly because I’m a jerk. Lol.

10. I will continue to answer a stupid question with a question.

Idiot #1: “Why are you still single?”

Me: “Wow, are still you married?”

Idiot #2: “Are you going to eat all of that?”

Me: “Are you vegan?”

Idiot #3: “Cold enough for ya?!”

Me: “Do you miss the rains down in Africa?”

Speaking of questions….

11. I will continue to pause ever so slightly when someone asks “Does this make me look fat?” so that they know the answer. I will always make sure someone doesn’t have food sticking out of their teeth, because I’m classy like that.

So there you have it! My lovely list!

The key to a strong list is to pick goals that are attainable. I review my list and realize it’s quite good.

If by chance the start of the New Year and the resolution pressure is stressing you out; take heed of the advice I give to my niece and nephew:

Be good! Be bad! Just be yourself.

Happy New Year!

😊