A Different Kind of Hat Trick

Whenever I end up in downtown Toronto, I always think of 3 things.

#1 What kind of panhandler would I be?
A girl of many hobbies, I often wonder if I would juggle, sing karaoke, tell jokes, or perform some type of lyrical dance for attention.
I know I have good hair, but I don’t think it’s good enough to make money on it’s own.

Hmm.

#2 Being in Toronto and not seeing a baseball game seems odd.
The epic Sky Dome, now called the Rogers Centre, has always been a place of excitement for me.
On this day I eventually made it there, which brings me to the next observation;

#3 I wonder if Cataldo is working today?
Ever since I’ve know him, my brother in law has worked at the CBC.
The Canadian Broadcasting Corporation is a TV station.
This educational note is for my one follower in the US.
I remember going on a trip there with my Broadcast Journalism class and being fascinated by our class work in action.
I have to say; it’s a pretty cool space.
I revel at the sheer magnitude.
The place where shows I never watch are created.
It doesn’t make them bad, it makes me selective.

On this particular day, I do what I normally do.
I text Cataldo and show up at the CBC unannounced, with the assumption he will drop everything he’s doing and entertain me.
And rightfully so.
The programming of the nation should come to a halt whenever royalty stops by.
I smile at this analogy.
It gives me an added level of sophistication.
Like the Brand Name party mix.
Clever.
This time he’s in a meeting.
I chuckle.
I used to be in “meetings” too, the classic get out of jail pass for the working man.
I used that excuse many a time and then realize today’s blog protagonist might actually be in a meeting.
I’ve heard of this rare breed of productive meeting, but I’ve never attended one.
Which is why it made complete sense for me to teach Effective Meetings.
The first lesson in my 12 hour class;
“Ask yourself, do you really need to have a meeting? Wouldn’t a phone call or email do?”
Mmhmm. That’s what I thought.
I digress.
Just like the wonders of a tv oven, Cataldo magically appears (ready, not raw) and we foray to the Jays shop to kill his lunch break.
I need a new Blue Jays hat.
I say that every game I go to.
I am team colour purist.
I strongly believe a team’s colours and general style should be respected.

I mull this over.
Does a country change the colours of its nation’s flag whenever Pantone makes a hue trendy?
No!

Do gangs adjust their colours just to change things up?                                                              No!
Does a Mother Duck abandon its ducklings if they came out a different colour?
Perhaps if it’s ugly.

Hmm again.

Speaking of ugly, The Jays shop is a hidden treasure with many different versions of offensive headgear.

In no particular order, let me present to you some heinous hats, and the fictitious people that wear them.

The Duck Dynasty Douche-bag. 

Drinks bitch beer. Voted for Trump during municipal election due to influence of said beverage. Favourite hobbies include manspreading and NASCAR. Spits in public. Wears a white cloak to unwind on weekends. A night out on the town always includes a trip to Cash Money followed by the hunting section at Walmart.

The “I’m 1/8th Irish”

The results are in from Ancestry.com. This person has no real existing European lineage. Irish Spring is about as good as it gets. Notoriously unlucky. Might be colour blind. Argues at length about these colours being the team’s exclusive fifth uniform. Highly argumentative. Most likely home schooled. Only child. Self-explanatory.

 

The Occasional Fan.

Crappy golfer. Crappy mid-level executive. Crappy at everything in life proven by lack of interesting hat colour. Wears this hat at the weekly golf game that his wife picked out for him. Wears matching oatmeal outfit. Drives something obnoxious like a Hybrid.

The Fan Girl.

No real interest in baseball but likes this hat because pink is fun and cute. Will force her boyfriend to take her to baseball games with her and the guys. Asks stupid questions i.e. “Why is it called Baseball, and not Diamond Ball?” “Is it done yet?” Cannot recall any part of the game but has 78 selfies posted during said game on insta.

The Raver.

High on life, opiates and other questionable means of chemical highs. Believes Unicorns exist because they’ve spent many a time being chased by them. Believes in peace, love and the legalization of marijuana. Does not watch baseball but thought the dragon on this cap would ward off evil vibes.

The Self-Proclaimed “Life of the Party.”

For the record, anyone who calls themselves the life of the party is probably unenjoyable. Has an endless repertoire of fart jokes. Took 6 years to complete a 2 year college program. Will hit on anything with a pulse. People are too nice to blow him off, so he spends lots of time in fictitious relationships. Aloha!